2/5/08: "leaders do not seek out followers, they attract them. What attracts people to you is your passion, the very people that will help you on your journey will do so because you're passionate about your vision, and your vision comes to you when you understand your purpose."-anonymous

2/14/08: dont be afraid of this kali. i have plans to prosper you. i have given you lemons. what are you going to do with them? i have chosen you. i have mounted you up on wings...i have made you a bird. experience pure air kali. pure eyes, pure protection...you are built for flight. the windier it gets, the higher you fly...you are effortless. kali, you cannot win an argument with me... :] i know you too well

2/18/08: "We aren't necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will be." -CS Lewis"
i will not doubt anymore. i love you i love you i love you forever. and this will echo for all eternity.

2/27/08: 1 timothy 4:12 says...
dont let anyone think less of you because you are young. be an example to all believers in what you teach, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. do not neglect the spiritual gift you received through the prophecies spoken to you when the elders of the church laid their hands on you. give your complete attention to these matters. throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress. keep a close watch on yourself and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right, and god will save you and those who hear you.
god, this life is my sacrifice to you. this is my echo...
for all that you are
for all eternity

2/28/08: Sanctus Real--after today

After today I'll get me out of this place
Into the world so I can set a new pace
Seems I'm on my own from here
Gotta face so many fears
Won't You lay me in Your hands of grace
I've got a funny feeling that I'm gonna go away
Gonna face my future, gonna try to make the grade
I've got a ways to go from here and
Vision doesn't seem so clear but
Praise God He's got a plan and
Understanding isn't my place
After today I'm gonna come face to face
With a new world who knows I'm feeling this way
I've got a ways to go from here
I'm gonna overcome these fears but
Still I'm gonna need Your hands of grace
I'll be a bigger man for, a bigger man for today.
I'll pray a bigger prayer...
I'll dream a bigger dream...

4/2/08: "When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely
opening your hands to receive something better.
'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you." -my little sister

5/6/08: we reap what we sow. "but those who live to please the spirit will harvest everlasting life from the spirit. so dont get tired of doing what is good. dont get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time. whenever we have the opportunity we should do good to everyone, especially to our christian brothers and sisters." -Galatians 6:8-11

5/7/08: im gonna jump. right into his arms. trust: when the fear of being dropped doesnt keep you from jumping

5/11/08: cause what i feel inside
i dont want to hide
it's you that got to me
its what i want to sing
cause i've got a dream for us
running through my mind
sitting on the beach
looking at the sea
and we're old and tired
and time has made us smile
as we go on counting things
people in the breeze
we're not the only ones
there's hundreds on the shore
looking at the sea
but it's just you and me
if the day never comes
i sink beneath the tide
will you still be with me
or disappear?
[a dream for us - the appleseed cast]

5/12/08: i dont want just anyone. just someone.i want THE one. the only one. im tired of seeing them hurt. and taking the bait again and again...over and over. be our guide, our tutor. our mentor, teacher, father... where do we run next?

5/12/08..: thankyou steven lichtenwalter,

A Song For Christine:

I resisted coming here, to open the harbors that guard my heart (Jeremiah 23:24). Abide with me, fast falls the even tide. This darkness deepens, Lord with me abide. And what does not flow freely from You? Am I convicted of what I say? Forgive me of this pride that knows Your redemption yet shamelessly walks away. And now my life ebbs away. Night pierces my bones, and these gnawing pains never rest. And how I long for that day (when I will return to ashes and dust)(Job 30:17-19). If my steps turn from the path, or if my heart has been led by my eyes, or if my hands have been defiled, then may others reap what I have sown (Job 31:7-8). Better that I dwell in the house of the Lord who upholds all those who fall than reap this harvest of a life waged in the flesh. And what do I gain but the exchange of the truth for a lie? And a heart conditioned not to feel, callused by the nature of my pride? And now my life ebbs away

5/18/08: i dont wanna fall away from you.
i need you more than anything, ever. its you that picks me up when i've fallen down. you dare me to dream again. you capture me in your heart, and in your love...you taught me to love again. you taught me what its like to be captivated in love and you brought me out of the dark.
i cannot do this alone....

6/5/08: this week has been tough. i've been strangling myself sick with anger. im starting to learn what it feels like to lead with my heart and not my mind. for so long i have been to afraid to move or speak. im slowly letting go. now this is my heart, and im putting it on the line to be seen, felt, heard. im tired of being angry with god about things i had no say in or things i couldnt change. im tired of shutting off all emotion to god. he's placed these things in my life for a reason, and when i have emotions about them i should be going to god with them. i cant rely on my own broken work to fix anything if it even needs to be fixed. it is gods work, his perfect work that takes time and patience...but with my hands. god, yesterday i tried to pray. and all that came out of my mouth was..."please fix it. please fix everything. i dont know what else to say...". and now i know, thats enough for you. you are healer, you are patience. you are the fixer, the maker, everything. you are my father who comforts me in times of trouble even when i push you away. you carry me and hold me. im trying so hard to trust, keep my head above water. im letting go now, and you hold on to me.